According to my timetable, my Radio class was supposed to be at block 27. When I arrived at 8.15 this morning, I discovered a piece of paper taped to the door of the Radio lab stating that they had moved to block 52 level 8. By 8.27, I was frantically calling people up because the supposed location of the Radio lab was locked.

8.30 came and went and no one was picking up their phones. So I went home.

As I was walking to the bus stop, I realised that the feeling of helplessness, frustration and absolute misery was something that was familiar to me especially during the past few days. I've been experiencing the exact same feeling because I'm so lost without Syed, Maria, Yihan and Fiona.

Yihan's got Syed and Maria's got Ming and Kesh. And Fiona has the Jules gang. There's no one in my class I'm close to and I don't really know anyone save Benita, Liz and Tammi.

And the thing is, I don't know if they can tolerate my warped sense of humour 24/7. I don't know if they can tolerate my spewing vulgarities at regular intervals. And I'm too scared to find out. What if they don't? Will I be the pariah, forced to pair up with the odd one out during projects? Will I be the one at the back of the class silently taking down notes and sending out weak, forced smiles at the tutor?

In class, I just sit behind, mope, and visualize stabbing a certain someone with my ballpoint pen. Yesterday, tears started welling up because I missed t106 so fucking much.

This has gotten so bad I don't even know if I can be the same girl I used to be. I've even been dressing decently the past few days (for those who know me, this is no small feat). Where has the loud-mouthed, curly-haired, cleavage-baring girl gone and who is this dull and faded result she has left behind?

Give me a hug when you see me in school, please. It might help my insecurity knowing you people care.